Trigger warning: The below does not contain a single joke, humorous anecdote or parenthesis enclosed side-rant about pooping. Let me pose a hypothetical. Imagine there is a woman, Debbie, who has been in a relationship for ten years with a guy called Ray. Debbie and Ray decide to get married and complete the forms, pay […]Read more "Is the government behaving unlawfully regarding the Marriage Act? "
I’m pretty confident that if you asked someone what a dick weighs – and they took the question seriously – they would be able to assess the relevant factors (flaccid or erect, show-er or grow-er, stubby or dangly) and come up with, at the very least, a concept of what it could weigh and then […]Read more "Seriously, what does a vagina weigh?"
7am I walk through the doors to the hostel and greet the Night Manager who, at that moment, bears a striking resemblance to a dead body that’s been propped up behind a counter. The jumbo coffee I purchased from the 7-11 is already kicking in and I sense the “MORNING!” I bellow across the room […]Read more "Just a typical Sunday at the hostel…"
Last year at some point – or was it the year before? I think it was some time before a short time ago but not a long time ago, but definitely later than 2012. I don’t fucking know, I’m past my mid-thirties so time isn’t my friend. I mean, Whitney Houston died 5 years ago. […]Read more "Thumbyfists and Talons."
Last night I spent a lovely evening on the lounge with my flatmate, Beryl, who is a world traveling pensioner so she’s seen some shit. In the last ten years alone she has hiked down into volcanos, caught public transport in Beijing and taken a motorcycle tour of the Favelas in Brazil not long after […]Read more "Why does the Catholic Church have such a paedophile problem? "
One of the joys of being a sentient being – (Don’t worry, I had to look up ‘sentient’ too. My brain said “Do you mean sediment?” and I said “No, brain. I mean alive and thinking and having consciousness and the ability to understand and comprehend” and my brain said “You know, sediment is dirt” […]Read more "Bonkers"
..because anyone watching is probably as hammered as you are anyway. You all know how it works peeps. You log into Facebook and scroll down and down and down and down some more and down a little further, trawling through all the positive, uplifting quotes and pretty pictures with positive, uplifting quotes written on them. […]Read more "Dance Like Nobody’s Watching…"
Allow me to paint you a picture. It’s 1997. Thursday. You’ve finished a long day at work and settled on the couch to watch your favourite sitcom. Not long into the episode there’s a flashback scene you’ve seen before, in some other episode. That’s weird, you think. About two minutes later there’s another flashback. You […]Read more "A Memoir, Facebook Style."
A brief disclaimer before we begin: I hate sport. I don’t get it, I don’t like it, and my general rule towards competitiveness is that if you want to be competitive then that’s fine, lets make a deal. You win. Despite the above sentiment, during a recent holiday in Thailand I went and saw a […]Read more "Why did I write “Nipples”?"
Observance Days are days that are days when the day is “observed” because it’s… um, the sort of day that you… when you do stuff. Let’s try that again. An Observance Day is the official title for days that we celebrate something. Not like your birthday, a different type of day. It’s not like […]Read more "Observance Days: A Guide"
In November 2010 my mother and I set about the task of planning my brother’s funeral. We hired a funeral director called Ben, who looked like he had stepped straight off a tractor and into our living room. He had the worst skin I’ve ever seen and fish guts or something smeared over his matching […]Read more "A short tale of inappropriateness.."
A phenotype is, essentially, behaviour that is exhibited by an organism because it has a gene that directs it to behave that way when the circumstances present themselves. For example, a bird building a nest. Birds don’t go around building nests all day, every day, but in the right circumstances the gene for building […]Read more "Backpackers: The Phenotypes. A research paper by Stephen Kain."