7am I walk through the doors to the hostel and greet the Night Manager who, at that moment, bears a striking resemblance to a dead body that’s been propped up behind a counter. The jumbo coffee I purchased from the 7-11 is already kicking in and I sense the “MORNING!” I bellow across the room […]Read more "Just a typical Sunday at the hostel…"
Last year at some point (or was it the year before? I think it was some time before a short time ago but not a long time ago, but definitely later than 2012. I don’t know, I’m past my mid-thirties so time isn’t my friend. I mean, Whitney Houston died 5 years ago. Michael Jackson […]Read more "Thumbyfists and Talons."
Last night I spent a lovely evening on the lounge with my flatmate, Beryl, who is a world traveling pensioner so she’s seen some shit. In the last ten years alone she has hiked down into volcanos, caught public transport in Beijing and taken a motorcycle tour of the Favelas in Brazil not long after […]Read more "Why does the Catholic Church have such a paedophile problem? "
One of the joys of being a sentient being (Don’t worry, I had to look up ‘sentient’ too. My brain said “Do you mean sediment?” and I said “No, brain. I mean alive and thinking and having consciousness and the ability to understand and comprehend” and my brain said “You know, sediment is dirt” and then […]Read more "Bonkers"
..because anyone watching is probably as hammered as you are anyway. You all know how it works peeps. You log into Facebook and scroll down and down and down and down some more and down a little further, trawling through all the positive, uplifting quotes and pretty pictures with positive, uplifting quotes written on them. […]Read more "Dance Like Nobody’s Watching…"
Allow me to paint you a picture. It’s 1997. Thursday. You’ve finished a long day at work and settled on the couch to watch your favourite sitcom. Not long into the episode there’s a flashback scene you’ve seen before, in some other episode. That’s weird, you think. About two minutes later there’s another flashback. You […]Read more "A Memoir, Facebook Style."
Observance Days are days that are days when the day is “observed” because it’s… um, the sort of day that you… when you do stuff. Let’s try that again. An Observance Day is the official title for days that we celebrate something. Not like your birthday, a different type of day. It’s not like […]Read more "Observance Days: A Guide"
In November 2010 my mother and I set about the task of planning my brother’s funeral. We hired a funeral director called Ben, who looked like he had stepped straight off a tractor and into our living room. He had the worst skin I’ve ever seen and fish guts or something smeared over his matching […]Read more "A short tale of inappropriateness.."
A phenotype is, essentially, behaviour that is exhibited by an organism because it has a gene that directs it to behave that way when the circumstances present themselves. For example, a bird building a nest. Birds don’t go around building nests all day, every day, but in the right circumstances the gene for building […]Read more "Backpackers: The Phenotypes. A research paper by Stephen Kain."
In the last few years, as a result of the increasing age of myself and everyone I know, death and grief has increasingly become dinner table talk and has led to me drawing a few conclusions on the topic I’d like to share. Obviously, if you’re looking for something funny to read, this ain’t […]Read more "On Grief"
Finding inspiration can be incredibly difficult sometimes, a real chore. Thankfully, at other times it can fly out of nowhere and slap you square across the face, in much the same way pigeon excrement does any time you stand in any spot in any town in any province in any country in Europe. Today, alas, […]Read more "Perspiration Inspired Inspiration"
About 50 years ago, two New York natives called George and Charlotte Blonsky were visiting the Bronx Zoo when they stumbled upon an idea that, in their minds, would change forever the way that women give birth. While wandering past the elephant enclosure they noticed an elephant in labour was repeatedly turning in concentric […]Read more "The Genius of US Patent No. 321216423"