Thumbyfists and Talons.

Last year at some point – or was it the year before? I think it was some time before a short time ago but not a long time ago, but definitely later than 2012. I don’t fucking know, I’m past my mid-thirties so time isn’t my friend. I mean, Whitney Houston died 5 years ago. […]

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Bonkers

One of the joys of being a sentient being – (Don’t worry, I had to look up ‘sentient’ too. My brain said “Do you mean sediment?” and I said “No, brain. I mean alive and thinking and having consciousness and the ability to understand and comprehend” and my brain said “You know, sediment is dirt” […]

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Dance Like Nobody’s Watching…

..because anyone watching is probably as hammered as you are anyway. You all know how it works peeps. You log into Facebook and scroll down and down and down and down some more and down a little further, trawling through all the positive, uplifting quotes and pretty pictures with positive, uplifting quotes written on them. […]

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A Memoir, Facebook Style.

Allow me to paint you a picture. It’s 1997. Thursday. You’ve finished a long day at work and settled on the couch to watch your favourite sitcom. Not long into the episode there’s a flashback scene you’ve seen before, in some other episode. That’s weird, you think. About two minutes later there’s another flashback. You […]

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Why did I write “Nipples”?

A brief disclaimer before we begin: I hate sport. I don’t get it, I don’t like it, and my general rule towards competitiveness is that if you want to be competitive then that’s fine, lets make a deal. You win. Despite the above sentiment, during a recent holiday in Thailand I went and saw a […]

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Observance Days: A Guide

  Observance Days are days that are days when the day is “observed” because it’s… um, the sort of day that you… when you do stuff. Let’s try that again. An Observance Day is the official title for days that we celebrate something. Not like your birthday, a different type of day. It’s not like […]

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On Grief

  In the last few years, as a result of the increasing age of myself and everyone I know, death and grief has increasingly become dinner table talk and has led to me drawing a few conclusions on the topic I’d like to share. Obviously, if you’re looking for something funny to read, this ain’t […]

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